


There's More Ways than One to Regain Your Senses

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Drama, F/M, Missing Scene
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 20:32:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6581113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He had considered resigning; felt the Bartlet Administration didnt need</p>
            </blockquote>





	There's More Ways than One to Regain Your Senses

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in the middle of the maelstrom during The Short List, Lord John Marbury, He Shall, From Time to Time…I also changed the exchange slightly when Danny gives CJ the goldfish.
> 
> The title comes from the Elton John song Live Like Horses, and though I've used it in at least four fics since, this was the very first.

CJ came out on the portico and watched Leo’s back as he smoked a cigarette. She waited a while, clearing her throat to get his attention. He turned to look at her but did not wear a smile. CJ searched his eyes; she saw a storm brewing there. Still, she went with her gut.

“Smoking is bad for your health.” She said.

“An amazing woman told me once that we fall back on our vices when we’re lost.” Leo replied.

“What’s the matter?”

“There is something about me that I never told you. I would like to apologize for…”

CJ held up her hand.

“I am going to assume that you had a reason not to tell me.”

“Lillienfield is not on a witch hunt CJ. He is going to try to bring me down.”

“How?” CJ asked.

“I spent some time at Sierra-Tucson Rehabilitation Center.” Leo said.

“For the alcohol?” CJ asked.

Leo shook his head.

“I was addicted to Valium.”

They were both quiet for a little while. Leo took one last puff on his cigarette but before he could put it out CJ took a puff. Damn, she needed that.

“Before we go any further, are there any other addictions I need to be privy to? I am not being a bitch; it would just be better if I could be aware of the signs.”

Leo shook his head.

“There was this weekend in Tijuana…”

“Now is not the time to joke Leo. Lillienfield wants a public execution.”

He ushered her back inside, through the President’s outer office and into his.

“Margaret, we need about 15 minutes.” He said.

She nodded. CJ sat on his couch; Leo joined her.

“What are we going to do?” she asked.

“We are not going to do anything. I am going to talk to the President and quietly resign.”

CJ clutched his hand.

“No Leo, you can't do that! You can't let that man do that to you.”

“CJ, I will not bring shame to the President.” Leo’s voice was firm.

“You are crazy if you think he’s going to let you resign. He needs you…we all need you.”

Leo was quiet, rubbing CJ’s hand.

“Who’s handling this?” CJ asked.

“Josh. He believes Claypool got it from Lillienfield, or the other way around.”

“Why don’t we just have a press conference?” CJ asked.

“I would really prefer if the whole world didn’t know I was a drug addict.”

“They are going to know anyway. If we pull the only card Lillienfield has than there is nowhere he can go.”

“I need to talk to the President.” Leo said.

“You are not resigning.” CJ said.

She stood, walking to the door.

“CJ?”

“Yeah?”

“Promise me that you will not get wrapped up in all of this. Josh will play Maverick, with Sam along for the ride. I don’t want you getting in too deep.”

She nodded. Then she kissed his lips softly.

“They are not going to take you down.” She said. “That is a promise.”

***

CJ walked into Josh’s office, closed the door, and leaned on it.

“I think I can guess what this is about.” He said.

“I am not going to get too involved because Leo asked me not to. Are you going to be able to save him Josh?”

“Yeah. It may not be pretty, and it is going to get worse before it gets better. Are you going to be able to…?”

“I’m fine. The press does not know about us; I face no scrutiny. He was talking about resigning.”

Josh shook his head.

“It is not going to happen CJ. The President will not let him and neither will I. He is going to get through this. Did you know?”

“Yeah.” CJ lied. “What I want to know is how did Claypool and Lillienfield find out?”

“We all want to know that.” Josh replied as someone knocked on the door. “Since you are not getting involved I suggest you don’t ask too many questions.”

CJ nodded. She opened the door and Mandy barreled in. All she gave a damn about was the Cabot press conference…she did not want her moment to be upstaged by Leo’s downfall. CJ stamped down the urge to trip her.

“Please keep me in the loop.” CJ said.

“As much as I can.” Josh replied. “You understand right?”

“Yeah.”

“What is this about?” Mandy asked.

“It’s personal.” CJ snapped. “Thanks Josh.”

“We are going to fix this.”

CJ walked down the hall. The demons were not taking Leo’s soul without one hell of a fight.

***

CJ could not sleep the next night. The press was riding her about the Supreme Court nominee. Meanwhile the President seemed as if he was not as settled on Cabot as he initially thought he was. Leo was withdrawn and moody…not that CJ blamed him at all. He had considered resigning; felt the Bartlet Administration did not need the controversy. As they all suspected the President refused. They would weather it, together like they always did.

She sat up, flipping on the lamp in the bedroom. It was a little after one and sleep seemed like a distant memory. CJ washed away her headache with Motrin and vodka on the rocks. Since Leo began to spend more time in her apartment she only had tiny bottles of liquor and she kept them where he would never find them…in the washer/dryer closet. It was not that she was afraid he would drink; though she knew the signs CJ didn’t fear that. It just seemed horrible for Leo to have to be tempted at her place…the place he came for safety and comfort.

When she heard the key turn in the lock, CJ smiled. Only 2 men had the key to her apartment and one would never use it. She pulled her knees to her chest and waited for him to come into her bedroom.

“Hey.” He leaned in the doorframe. “I did not expect you to be awake.”

“Sleep has not been my friend lately.” CJ replied. “I didn’t know you owned a pair of jeans.”

“Mallory bought them for me.”

CJ nodded.

“Come here, let me undress you.”

She stood up as Leo kicked off his sneakers. Leaving them by her dresser, he held up his arms as CJ pulled off his Wolverines sweatshirt and the tee shirt underneath. She unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, letting them fall in a heap at his feet. Since he was a bit of a neat freak Leo draped the clothes across the chair before climbing in bed.

“This is much better.” He said, settling in her arms.

“Is it?”

“I really needed you to hold me tonight.”

“I thought about calling you but was afraid that you’d be asleep.”

“Asleep?” Leo asked. “What’s that?”

CJ laughed lightly, massaging the nape of his neck with her long fingers. Leo slipped his hand under her CCNY tee shirt and flattened his palm on her abdomen.

“I am worried about you Leo.”

“Stop it; I’m fine. Your skin is so soft.”

His fingers tickled her skin, up and up until his hand caressed her breasts. CJ closed her eyes. OK, they were not going to talk tonight. His hands were urgent as he brought her nipples to attention. CJ turned to face him, taking off the tee and throwing it on the floor. She loved the feel of Leo’s tongue, mouth, and teeth on her skin. He wrapped his arms around her back, pulling her closer to him. CJ moaned as her body prepared for him to be inside of her.

That did not seem to be on Leo’s mind; the task at hand suited him fine for the moment. When he finally pulled away it was only to take a few breaths and go right back.

“Why are men so breast obsessed?” CJ asked, running her fingers through his hair. “You don’t have to answer that; I know your mouth is full.”

Leo stopped, looking at her.

“What did you say?” he asked.

“Why are men so breast obsessed?”

“I don’t know, but I love yours. They are the perfect size and shape.”

“Yeah, if small is the perfect size.” CJ replied.

Leo was no longer in the conversation…he was busy again. Two can play at that game, CJ thought, as she moved his boxer shorts to the side and took hold of him. Leo’s kisses on her breasts became hungrier. She bit her lip; he was driving her crazy. She stroked him softly and Leo groaned against her breast.

“Come up here Mr. McGarry.” She said.

Leo did as she asked. He put his hand over hers, helping her move it back and forth.

“Oh God.” He leaned his forehead on her shoulder.

“Yeah. I know.”

Leo gently bit CJ’s shoulder before she disappeared under the covers. He never told anyone but Leo had not been the recipient of what CJ called BJs over the years. He and Jenny were married and maybe that was not something married couples did. Maybe it was the generation gap…CJ was a child of the wild 80s. Thank God for it. Leo groaned as he climaxed. CJ wasn’t even on top of the covers before she was stroking him again. Damn, his woman was a triple threat.

“You're killing me.” He said.

“A good death, I hope.”

“Oh yeah.” He nodded absently. “It’s amazing.”

He pulled her hands away from him. If he came again it would definitely be his last hurrah tonight. Leo draped his body on top of hers. Leo moved her thighs apart, and then held her hands at her sides.

“You're going to get rough.” CJ said with a smile.

“Do you want me to get rough?” Leo asked.

“Not too rough.” She wrapped one leg around him.

“I would never hurt you.” Leo took one hand and lifted her buttocks.

His strength was such a turn on.

“I know.” She whispered, sitting up to kiss his mouth.

Leo thrust inside of her. His hands held CJ’s at her sides as he moved on top of her. She moved her head back and forth, whimpering with each stroke.

“Oh God, oh, let me go Leo!”

Her scream was in ecstasy, not anger. Leo released her; CJ wrapped her arms around his back and pulled him closer. Leo kissed her and got his lip bit several times for his effort. He growled and then groaned. Her climax came through at the same time as his, creating a powerful tide. He collapsed on top of her and she ran her fingers through his hair.

“I love you so much.” He whispered in her ear.

“Me too.”

He rubbed her thighs, kissing her neck.

“Again?” she asked.

“I’m afraid not baby…I am all out of steam.”

CJ laughed as Leo moved over to his side of the bed. His side of the bed, it had been a long time since CJ thought of things in terms of his and hers. Leo smiled at her.

“It is so good to see you smile.” She said.

“I’ll always save one for you. It is going to get worse before it gets better, you know that.”

CJ nodded, telling him she talked with Josh.

“CJ…”

“I am not getting too involved.” She said, taking him into her arms. “I just want to make sure that I am kept in the loop.”

“You may not want to know what Josh is doing.” He said. “Particularly from the Press Secretary’s standpoint. He and Sam have teamed up…Starsky & Hutch.”

CJ certainly did not want to know everything. She knew Josh Lyman well enough to know he could break the law intentionally or unintentionally if saving Leo was involved.

***

“CJ, CJ?”

“Arthur.”

“Has the White House started the process of testing employees for drug use?”

“For the fifth time we are looking into it. It’s a tedious job. Janet?”

“CJ, is it possible that Peter Lillienfield is hunting for bigger fish with this inquiry into White House drug use?”

“I don’t know. We are doing what we can to ensure that the White House is drug free…we have three thousand employees here. It is a tedious job, but we are taking it seriously.”

“Is Josh Lyman taking it seriously?” Joe Tapper from CNN asked.

“Excuse me?”

“Come on CJ, Josh Lyman. It has been almost a month.”

“And yet it is still a top news story.” CJ replied. “We all take our jobs seriously, including Josh Lyman. I hope you do too. People, I’m done for now. See you at three.”

She walked out of the room and Janet’s question banged around in her head. She went straight to Josh’s office. Sam was sitting in the chair so she stood behind him.

“It is time for a press conference.” She said. “To be honest we have no idea when Lillienfield is going to pounce. You know he will before some maverick reporter trumps him. If he can get his hands on those records so can some investigative journalist from the Constitution.”

“I agree.” Sam replied. “We have to end this. I would feel better if we took control.”

Josh nodded.

“OK, I’ll talk to him. If we do it, it should be tomorrow morning. We cannot have it beating out the President’s State of the Union for top story.”

“No, we have a Monday press conference…weekend news won't play.” CJ said.

“How do we know he won't strike before then?” Sam asked of Lillienfield.

“He is having too much fun.” CJ said. “He and Claypool love dragging Josh in front of hot lights and being on the news every evening. Their own smugness will be their downfall…they have no idea that we are on to them.”

Josh nodded again.

“OK.” He said. “Monday morning then. The President has already announced Mendoza, so we are over one hurdle.”

“Cabot did not go well.” Sam said.

“I never liked him.” CJ and Josh said in unison.

“Right.” Sam said.

“I have to go.” CJ looked at her watch. “We never spoke.”

“I know.”

Sam looked at Josh.

“She is not supposed to be involved.” Josh said.

“Oh, OK.”

CJ went back to her office. Danny was sitting in her visitor’s chair. CJ looked out the door before leaving it ajar.

“Maybe you didn’t hear me when I said 3:00 Danny. Where is Carol, she usually keeps the riffraff at bay?”

“You think Janet may have been onto something when she said Lillienfield is going hunting?”

CJ sat at her desk.

“I said we are looking into it. While he may be stupid, he is neither dumb nor harmless…that is off the record. I am sure he and his lot could give a damn about the kid working in the mess who likes to do a couple of lines of blow on Saturday nights for shits and giggles. What is that?”

“A goldfish.” Danny replied.

“I see that. Who bought you a goldfish?”

Danny put the bowl on her desk.

“I bought the fish for you.”

“OK, why?”

“Josh told me you liked goldfish.” Danny said.

For a moment CJ looked at him. Then she laughed.

“What?” Danny asked.

“Goldfish Danny, the little crackers that you eat at parties.”

“Oh.” He looked dejected, lifting the bowl from the desk.

“No leave it, you'll kill it.”

“Her name is Gail, though it’s just her pet store name. You can change it if you want to.”

“Gail is as good a name as any other.” CJ replied. “Come here.”

Danny leaned across the desk. CJ kissed his cheek just as Leo walked into the room.

“Am I interrupting?” he asked.

“Danny got me a goldfish. Her name is Gail.”

“Lovely.” Leo said.

Danny stuck his hands in his pockets.

“Keep your head in the game.” He said, walking out.

“Thanks Danny.”

Leo closed the door behind Danny.

“Isn't it cruel to keep him hoping?” Leo asked.

“I cannot tell you how many times I’ve said no and he keeps asking.” CJ tapped the fishbowl. “I need to get fish food, some of those cool stones, and maybe a flag or something.”

“It is a tiny bowl Claudia Jean. He is a reporter and he really likes you.”

“You know there is nothing happening with Danny and me. It’s not as if I can tell him that I am Leo McGarry’s girl and he is possessive of my limited free time.”

Leo shook his head, but he smiled.

“There is my smile.” CJ returned it. “What’s up?”

“I have to cancel dinner tonight.” He said. “I have a thing.”

“OK.”

Leo looked at her, raising an eyebrow.

“Seriously, Leo, it’s OK. I have some reading to do anyway. Come and give me a kiss.”

Leo came around the desk. He stood CJ up, sat in her chair, and pulled her onto his lap. CJ put her arms around his neck, teasing his lips with hers.

“The fish is cute.” He said.

“Isn't she?”

They kissed. Leo stood her up and smacked her bottom. CJ laughed.

“I have to go.” He walked to the door. “I’ll call you later.”

“Yeah.”

CJ waved, going back to the files on her desk.

***

“Joe, I will have a slice of pecan pie please.”

“Sure thing Mr. McGarry.”

Leo slid in the booth beside CJ.

“What are you doing here?” she asked, reaching under the table to squeeze his hand. “I thought you had a thing.”

“It didn’t take too long. I went to your apartment but you weren’t there. I thought I’d try this place. Can I have a kiss?”

“Leo, we are in public.” CJ reasoned as Joe sat a warm slice of pecan pie in front of him.

“No, this is our special place.” He said. “Just one.”

CJ turned to look at him, kissing him softly. Leo pulled her in deeper. When she escaped, she slapped his arm.

“Stop.” She said.

“OK, OK. Sometimes I can't wait until we’re home. This is our special place.”

“Home?” CJ asked, sipping her coffee.

“Your apartment.” Leo said.

She smiled. Home, yeah that sounded good.

“I really do need to talk to you.” Leo said.

CJ looked at him.

“What’s up?”

“I sat down with the President and Josh this evening…my thing. We’re going to do the press conference.”

CJ was quiet for a while.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

Leo nodded, eating his pie. She studied his profile.

“This is not going to be easy.” She said.

“I know. Damn, this is the best pie I have ever had.”

He caressed her face.

“Are you going to be alright?” Leo asked.

“Don’t you dare worry about me. I am going to stand beside you; I love you Leo McGarry. I wish I could stand beside you on that podium.”

“Yeah. I love you too Claudia Jean. Give me another kiss.”

“No.” she backed up. “You are in a mood, playing with fire.”

“I thought you liked spontaneity.”

“No Leo, I don't like it here. I am going to kick you.”

He laughed.

“Finish up your pie so we can get out of here and I can get all that spontaneity out of you.” She said.

CJ hated that they couldn’t hold hands in the street. They climbed into the back of the Lincoln; Leo kissed her neck. She ran her hand down his arm.

“As great as the attention is, I believe you are deflecting Leo McGarry.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

When he bit her neck, she moaned. They pulled up to the side of CJ’s apartment building. Up two flights of stairs to her door.

“I hate those fucking stairs.” Leo muttered as CJ opened the door.

“Sit, I’ll make coffee.” She said.

Leo kicked off his shoes, loosened his tie, and relaxed on the couch.

“Put your feet up honey.” CJ instructed from the kitchen.

“Oh good, you are going to lavish me with attention.”

“Shut up. Oh, and no CNN.”

“MSNBC?” Leo asked.

“No.”

“Headline News?”

“Leo!”

He laughed.

“Just kidding. Come in here.”

“Do you want coffee?” she asked.

“No, I want you to come in here. Come here.”

CJ came into the living room, joining Leo on the couch. She leaned her head on his shoulder, holding his hand. Leo slipped his fingers between hers. He flipped on the stereo, pushed play, and Elton John’s voice came through the speakers.

_She packed my bags last night pre-flight_  
Zero hour, nine a.m.  
And I’m going to be high as a kite by then  
I miss the earth so much  
I miss my wife  
Its lonely out in space  
On such a timeless flight… 

“Is there such a thing as listening to too much Elton John?” Leo asked.

“No, don’t be ridiculous. That is like too much Chaka Khan or too much KC and the Sunshine Band.”

“Hmm.”

CJ played with his fingers.

“This may be a silly question Leo, but are you afraid?”

“Of what?”

“Revealing this to the world; bearing your soul? Showing that you have weaknesses?”

“Everyone knows I have weaknesses. The people who matter anyway.”

“You know what I mean. I mean Josh, Sam, and those guys who worship at the altar of Leo McGarry. Are you afraid of letting them down?”

“No.” Leo replied.

CJ nodded. Leo put his arm around her shoulder.

“Yeah.” He said quietly, squeezing her hand.

“I’ll always be proud of you.” CJ said.

“I know. I don’t want to do this CJ…damn Peter Lillienfield.”

“I know a couple of people in LA who could break his kneecaps for a discounted price. He would never be able to identify them.”

Leo laughed, leaning to kiss her temple.

“Stop it. I am not entirely sure the place is not bugged.”

CJ looked at him.

“Would the President do that?” she asked.

“The President doesn’t run every aspect of the government. Sometimes even the guys on our side are not entirely on our side.”

“OK. Now I will feel the need to search the place.”

Leo smiled.

“We’ll just make love all the time…that’ll show them.” He said.

“Yeah. That’ll show them.”

***

The press conference was just over. Leo walked out the pressroom while it was still abuzz with questions. CJ walked behind him, Josh and Sam behind her. Toby would’ve been there but he was finishing the State of the Union address. It was in two days, the President had the flu, and India and Pakistan were at each other’s throats. Out in the hallway, Leo slipped his hand in CJ’s, pulling her farther away from the crowd.

They walked down the hall, past the bullpens, and into her office. Closing the door, Leo wrapped his arms around her. He pulled her close and buried his face in her bosom. Ordinarily, that would’ve excited her, but today he needed her comfort. CJ rubbed the nape of his neck and he held her tighter. She never saw him cry and she hoped today would not be the day. Leo was the strong one, the one who held the world on his shoulders and made it OK for everyone else to screw up royally when needed. He never complained as he took knocks for the people he loved and believed in. She had to say something.

“You were so wonderful in there.” She whispered. “We are all so proud of you…especially me. I have never loved you more than I did when you stood there with your head held high.”

She thought that he said he loved her too, but his face was still buried in her shirt. He finally pulled away from her.

“If our lives were truly a movie,” he asked. “What song would play right now?”

CJ frequently compared her life to a Cameron Crowe or Woody Allen film.

“Um…It’s Probably Me by Sting, maybe. Or perhaps something by Sarah McLachlan; Adia.”

Leo brought his mouth to hers in a passionate kiss. CJ stroked his cheek.

“Its over.” He said. “I still have a long day ahead of me.”

She nodded.

“When are you going to see the President?” she asked.

“In a few minutes, and we have to see Lord John Marbury later this afternoon. I have to go.”

He squeezed her hand and kissed it.

“Do you want to have dinner at the suite tonight?” he asked.

“It might be late. We are in full State of the Union mode around here.”

He nodded, still holding her hand.

“Ten o’clock?” he asked.

“Yeah.”

He kissed her once more, opened the door, and walked to his office. He revealed his darkest secret and the day was just beginning.

***


End file.
